save me from the nothing i've become{tag Clan}

[Ziva]

I had enough. The things Zane did, what we did, it was enough to change my mind. From a crazed werewolf to a being that now resented everything. Stumbling, wounds littered my half naked body, torn, ripped jeans and a shirt that have covered my upper area, I was cold. Cold, alone, scared. Funny, before I was insane, loving pain and being Zane's bitch, for lack of a better, more inventive term, now, I was merely a child walking upon this earth. Could I call for help? I couldn't access the munin to ask them to get Cole or whatever, not that I knew why I was suddenly blocked, perhaps it was because they may have been used to something horrific because I had gone over to Zane's side? "Anyone?" I called out to the forest, hearing nothing but the wind calling, answering me back. The wind brought scents of life, elk roamed nearby, but I was weak. Too weak to hunt, too weak to shift. Without anything to eat, I knew that I would die.

I screamed. The thing of being alone, it eats at you, gnaws at your mind. The pressing closeness of silence, the absence of joy and speaking of others. For a while I thought I had gone insane, staring at the same trees, the same piece of land. Blood ran down in rivers along my skin, wounds reopened since I didn't shift, and being too weak, my healing ability was flawed. All I knew was that I didn't want to be around Zane. The part of me that craved death, destruction, and pain, was now killed, dulled down, because of Zane. In a way, he saved me from that path, but the other way, he also destroyed a piece of me. Now looking back, the torture, rape and cruel days didn't make me feel good, it left a bitter taste in my mouth, and the desire for revenge. But how, how the fuck could I defeat someone immortal like him? He was powerful, he was never ending. I had betrayed the only ones that truly cared for some vile, fucked up, evil son of a bitch that walked this earth. God I craved death now to stop from feeling like this.

I moved slower, heading towards King's Pointe, the scent of the clan was everywhere, indication meaning that they had been here recently. Climbing, limbs ached when I reached the top to the point where I collapsed upon the ground, my fingers reached out to nothing but darkness. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, help me. Save me. I'm nothing, I don't deserve to live." My thoughts coursed on the wind, not sure if the clan would hear it or not, but it was worth a try. Closing my eyes, and laying my head upon the ground, my body began to shut down. Not death, but sleep. Sleep that had escaped me, eluded me, now washed over me. I was tired, so damn tired. Tired, and still alone. Hows that for irony? I wanted to be alone, craved it, and now, I wanted nothing more to do with it. Such a rapid twist around.

[Syren Loup Garou]

Zane, the bane of the Loup Garou, and immortal werewolf, hellbent on destroying us all, had struck again. He had a penchant for sniffing out the weak, and though, by nature, none of the Loup Garou are weak, we do at times, fall short of glory. We may be werewolves, and gypsies, but we were first and foremost human. We are just as prone to make mistakes as any other, and I understand that fully.

My heart broke from Ziva, as she left the clan and was found by none other than Zane. She was lost to us, for a time. She had severed that link herself, after years of trying. Hooking up with Zane had done it for her. And now, she regretted it. I could feel this, all of it, so faintly, that I tuned into the munin for assistance. With their help I was shown all that had happened to her, and not only did I see the events unfold, but I felt them as well. But I still could not reach her, it was up to her to find her way back to us.

I felt it too, when she left him, when she broke free of her hold over him. Then I was able to go after her. Leaving the Luna, and Cole, was hard, but it was for the good of the clan. It was for Ziva, who now craved the acceptance she once scoffed out. She sought redemption. Her scream echoed in my mind, her voicing every frustration, loss, and hurt she'd suffered. That one note filled with such anguish.

I shifted, white fur covering my naked body as I made the transformation from human to wolf in an instant. I lifted my muzzle to the moon and howled, long and loud. "Ziva, I am coming." She was drifting in dreams, sleeping on King's Pointe, exhaustion had won over her.

I ran through the camp, a blur of white as I hit the trees of the forest, looping around at the edge of the perimeter and heading for King's Pointe. Branches grabbed at me as I ran, paws pounding the dirt floor, stirring up leaves in my wake. I was still running full out as I reached the edge of King's Pointe and wound my way up the stones that lead to it's peak.

There Ziva lay, curled in a ball, sleeping fitfully. I whimpered softly, padding around her before finally laying beside her, draping a paw over her as I snuggled her to me. "Sleep well Ziva, rest. I am here, with you. No harm shall come to you now." I licked her face, pressing my wet nose behind her ear as I wrapped her in my essence, gifting her with peace while she slept and recovered. When she woke, I would still be here. I wasn't leaving a Loup Garou, even one who'd lost her way.

[Ziva]

I heard her, felt her in my mind like a rush of blissful water, soothing all my internal wars and emotions clouding every nerve and every part of my mind. The Lupa of the clan, Syren, had always been a mother figure to all, even with ones who had parents, you knew that you could always go to Syren for anything. If it was just a small problem or a big one, she was always there, eternal. And I had left, her, the clan, everyone in the pack for my own, stupid and selfish reasons. Now that my mind looked back, knowing that I should have gone to her first, or anyone else such as Cole, I felt completely foolish and a disgrace to the Loup Garou name, taking off, betraying them like that. It made me feel like dirt, lower than dirt, and all I wanted to do was cry. Cry until my tears stopped flowing and my heart tore in two. Maybe I could, or maybe, maybe I was too much of a lost soul, a lost cause.

My mind was a whir of thoughts and emotions, Syren's essence continued to ease me, feeling very faintly, her body press against mine, her wet nose upon my ear sending the nerve underneath moving slightly, ear pulling back from the slight chill. "You came. My mind sent out, my conscious unwavering from the sleep. Being who I was, a Loup Garou, you were privy to some amazing things, the fact I was asleep but my mind could still call out. Some stuff never seemed to stop making me gasp in wonder and awe. Though that was all for my mind call, knowing I was safe, that no harm could come, I relaxed more, body sinking into the ground as peace washed through my system. I didn't know how much time passed from first coming up here, to when the sun first glinted with rays of light, passing over my wolf form and Syren without pause. I didn't want to get up, that meant my thoughts would assault me again, and really, I couldn't go through that. Yesterday, now that it was a brand new day, was bad enough. Another would be hell.

Blinking quickly, sleep removing from my eyes, I tilted my head slightly, studying Syren, and taking in the appearance and form of the Lupa, who I'd been away from for months. Without thinking, I nuzzled into her fur, inhaling her scent like a drug as it washed through my senses, smelling so different from Zane. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Syren I didn't mean to!" I wailed, my paws scrabbling at the ground as I lifted myself up, almost prancing. Never did I mean for this to get out of hand, all I wanted was to be accepted and loved, leaving the clan, I realized that was what I did have. They accepted me, loved me, cared for me. It took me so fucking long to realize that it was pathetic. I should have known instead of running off, following Zane like a love suck pup. "I'm sorry." I repeated, again nuzzling and feeling the Lupa's soft fur against my own. I never, ever wanted to be apart from the clan. Not now, not in the future. They were family, it was home.